You have to participate in all of the bullshit in order to learn to rise above it. Because at some point, you grow out of this tit-for-tat approach to life. You start just enjoying people for who they are, not because they play football well or use the same brand of toilet paper as you. Not everyone grows out of these conditional relationships.
Many people, for whatever reason, get stuck in the coolness economy and continue to play the game well into adulthood. The manipulation gets more sophisticated but the same games are there. The problem with conditional relationships is that they inherently prioritize something else above the relationship. These conditional relationships can get really fucked up on an emotional level.
Chasing coolness is something we do because we feel shitty about ourselves and desperately need to feel otherwise. Maybe you are using me for sex, and that makes me feel good because for once I feel wanted and seen. These are relationships built on conditions. Conditional relationships are inherently selfish. We attach ourselves to superficial objects and ideas and then try to live them vicariously through the people we become close to. These conditional relationships then make us even more lonely because no real connection is ever being made.
Conditional relationships also cause us to tolerate being treated poorly. This transitory nature of conditional relationships is usually something people can only see with the passage of a sufficient amount of time. Teenagers are young and just discovering their identities , so it makes sense that they are constantly obsessed with how they measure up to others. But as years go on, most people realize that few people stick around in their lives. As most people age, most of them come to prioritize unconditional relationships — relationships where each person is accepted unconditionally for whoever he or she is, without additional expectations.
Unconditional relationships are relationships where both people respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return. To put it another way, each person in the relationship is primarily valued for the relationship itself — the mutual empathy and support — not for their job, status, appearance, success, or anything else. Unconditional relationships are the only real relationships.
They cannot be shaken by the ups and downs of life.
They are not altered by superficial benefits and failures. The relationship is not subjected to the coolness economy where I drop you the second you start hurting my chances to impress others. People with conditional relationships never learned to see the people around them in terms of anything other than the benefits they provide. Parents, as usual, are often the culprits here. But as with all relationship skills, it starts in the family. Not your own. You will also build your relationships by manipulating others to fit your needs rather than take care of them yourself. This is the basis for a toxic relationship.
Conditions cut both ways. Most conditional relationships are entered into unconsciously — that is, they are entered into without conscious thought about who this person is or why they like you or what their behavior towards you indicates. You just see their sweet tattoos and envy their rad bike and want to be close to them.
People who enter into conditional relationships enter into them for the simple reason that these relationships feel really good , yet they never stop to question why it feels so good. There are a million hypothetical questions and you should be asking yourself every single one of them. All the time. If you want to remove or repair the conditional relationships in your life and have strong unconditional relationships, you are going to have to piss some people off.
And you have to let go of your own. It will cause drama. A shit-storm of drama in many cases. After all, what you are doing is you are taking somebody who has been using parts of you to make themselves feel better and denying their ability to do so. Their reaction will be angry and they will blame you. We have our disagreements, but that comes along with marriage.
Tamera Mowry. Family Beautiful Best God. I really believe I've been a good person. Not perfect - forget about perfect - but just learning by what I was taught and living by my own values. I might have stepped on a few ants - and a few other things as well - but I've never hurt anybody.
Kiri Te Kanawa. Learning Good Believe Hurt. And who knows how many times I've fallen short. We all fall short. That's the amazing thing about the grace of God. Tim Tebow. God Grace Fall Amazing. I'm not perfect, but I do my best. Jessie James Decker.
Best Perfect. Top 10 Not Perfect Quotes. View the list.
I'm not perfect; no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I think you try to learn from those mistakes. Derek Jeter. You Mistakes Think Perfect. I know that. None of us is perfect.
Brett Kavanaugh. I Am Know Perfect Us.
Is their sushi better? Often in meditative language we speak of letting go of things: let go of thoughts, let go of emotions, let go of pain. It means to show up and be seen. Things you promised to keep quiet. Affiliat Program.
Within the soul of America is freedom of mind and spirit in man. Here alone are the open windows through which pours the sunlight of the human spirit. Here alone is human dignity not a dream but an accomplishment. Perhaps it is not perfect, but it is more full in realization here than any other place in the world. Herbert Hoover. Alone Freedom Soul Man. We are all human beings, and we all have insecurities, but it's about being healthy and happy with yourself. I'm not perfect, and I will indulge in pizza and sweets on occasion. The goal is to make the majority of your decisions good for your body.
So listen to your body, and treat it like your temple. Jacqueline MacInnes Wood. Good Yourself Happy Treat. Depression can kill you. It can also be a spiritually enriching experience. It's really an important part of my theology now and my spirituality that life is not perfect, and I grew up wanting it to be and thinking that if it wasn't, I could make it that way, and I had to acknowledge that I had all kinds of flaws and sadnesses and problems.
Krista Tippett. Life Depression You Experience.
I'm not perfect, but I strive for it. Tracy Morgan. Perfect Strive. I understand that I'm not perfect. I made mistakes and I had a hand in everything that's happened to me, good and bad. Dwyane Wade. Good Me Mistakes Understand. Just like everyone else, I'm not perfect; I go through challenges as well.